I had so many big plans for announcing this little one, but the reality is, this pregnancy has been tough. I spent the first few months very sick and extremely tired and taking care of my two boys during this process has proven to be challenging. Please don't read this as me being ungrateful. That is so far from the truth. After our losses and trouble to conceive, this baby is our sweet miracle baby and I can't wait to share more with you.
Let's start back in 2017 when doctors found a tumor in my sinus that had grown to the size of a golf ball and was up against the wall of my brain. Can you say terrifying? Ben and I had to lean on our faith in God and trust that He would bring us through. We had a wonderful church family, our family and friends that came around us and supported us through the whole process. Many doctor appointments, scans and a surgery later and my wonderful doctor was able to remove the entire tumor and....wait for it...they found NOTHING but infection in it. My doctors and everyone around us were stumped. They had never seen anything like it, but we knew God worked a miracle and to say we are grateful would be an understatement.
Why am I telling you this? Because it was when we found out the great news that I was in the clear that we decided to try for a third child. We always knew we wanted lots of kids and with Sawyer in the toddler stage, we felt we were ready to add to the family. We got pregnant immediately which was a shock to both of us after our struggles to conceive before. We were ecstatic to say the least. We were coming out of a terrifying and challenging period and about to start a joyous journey to meet this baby. Unfortunately, about a week after we found out, we lost the baby. Anyone who has experienced a loss is probably reading this and reliving their loss and for that, I am sorry. It is one of the hardest things that we as women experience. The feelings of failure and inadequacy are relentless and as much as you try to fight them with the head knowledge that it is not your fault, it overtakes you and you fall into a bout of sadness and depression. With this loss, I was so blessed with a supportive husband who took care of me physically and emotionally and friends who came alongside of me, praying for me and encouraging me as I grieved.
I will fast forward a bit so I don't keep you here reading all day. I went to see my doctor about nine months later as we were having trouble conceiving again and after some tests, we couldn't find anything obvious causing the issue. We decided to keep trying for a little and revisit if we still couldn't conceive. It was August of 2018 when we had a trip planned to Great Wolf Lodge for my birthday. That is when I experienced a chemical pregnancy and Ben and I both decided we were going to take a break from trying. It was becoming too stressful and causing so much anxiety that we just needed to take a step back.
About a month later, I decided to take a test out of curiosity and about fell to the floor when I saw it was positive. I pulled out my digital test and it turned immediately. Ben had just laid down to sleep after working a night shift, but I ran upstairs to tell him before he dozed off. We both sat there stunned. Excited. Nervous. So many emotions.
The next few months were interesting. At our first ultrasound in November, the tech thought she saw a flicker, but couldn't confirm anything and I needed to return in a week. That was one of the hardest weeks of waiting I have ever been too. The next ultrasound we almost missed because of traffic, but I am so thankful for the staff at May Grant for being flexible and allowing us in very late on a Friday night. We saw the strong flicker of a heart beat and to say Ben and I were emotional would be an understatement. I was very sick in the beginning, but I was thankful for the sickness because after a loss, there is so much anxiety around whether or not the baby is okay. I can honestly say this pregnancy hasn't felt "real" until now, 15 weeks, when I am starting to feel light flutters that reassure me there is a healthy baby growing in there.
If you read all that, thank you. Thank you for following my (abbreviated) journey. When a pregnancy gets announced, there are inevitably a bunch of questions that come to follow. I have gone ahead and answered as many as could. Enjoy!
When are you due?
June 28
Any Cravings?
I had a few random cravings though out the first few months including strawberry Mentos, Auntie Anne's pretzels, Turkey Wrap with mayo (I HATE mayo!!), but was recently diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes again so I will likely have to fight the urge for my cravings the rest of this pregnancy unless I happen to crave a salad or eggs ;-)
Are you hoping for a girl?
No. When I say no, I mean because all I want is a healthy baby. My boys are the best thing to happen to me on this earth so if God gives me another boy, I would be grateful. I will be equally in love with a boy or a girl.
Is this your last?
This is a hard one for me. I feel like it's a very personal question, but because I've already been asked a bunch, I will address it. We don't know. This very well could be our last baby, but we are not making that decision right now.
What are the age gaps of your kids?
Jackson will be 6 when baby is born and Sawyer is 3. Jackson and Sawyer are about two and a half years apart and Sawyer and this baby will be about three and a half years apart. If you would've asked me ten years ago, I would've told you I wanted lots of kids super close together, but God's timing is perfect and my boys right now are best friends and fairly self-sufficient so I am excited to see Jackson be a big brother again and Sawyer for the first time.
Do you have names picked out?
We only just started discussing names, but we typically don't share the name until after baby is born.
What does this mean for Angie Englerth Photography?
Not a whole lot. I will be taking maternity leave from the middle of June to August, but will be back for the busy fall season. I may not be taking on quite as many sessions so if you want a fall session, I suggest booking as soon as booking opens.
Thank you to all of my sweet clients and followers for your support on my journey. Your encouragement and patience with me through the hard times has meant more to me than you could ever know. I look forward to sharing more of my pregnancy with you and eventually our newest little addition.
