Rainbow Pregnancy | Angie Englerth Photography

Angie’s Story

Where to even begin. For those that have followed along with me for a while, you probably know much of our story already. Back in 2017, I organized a very special rainbow maternity project and shared a bit of my story there. To make a long story short(er), we found ourselves having trouble growing our family after Jackson. We lost a pregnancy in July 2014 and then struggled to get pregnant again until our first miracle baby (Sawyer) arrived in December 2015. I suffered some health issues in December 2016 which required surgery in May 2017. Once we received the all clear (I had a golf ball sized tumor in my sinuses that ended up being nothing of concern!), we decided we were ready to try expanding our family once again. (I share in a little more detail here). We were blessed immediately with a positive pregnancy test. Needless to say, we were thrilled! Sadly, we lost that baby a week after finding out in June 2017. Then began a painful waiting process. It wouldn’t be until October 2018 before we had another viable pregnancy (I had a chemical pregnancy as well in August 2018).

All of these dates may seem totally insignificant, but God’s timing is absolutely perfect. You see, Ben was working crazy hours for three years. I’m talking 7 days a week….swing shift….10-16 hour days….it was insane. It was beyond challenging on our marriage and our boys. Looking back, I can’t imagine juggling a third child in the midst of that chaos. Now go back to when we found out we were expecting in October 2018. We were so thrilled and knew we would just have to make it work whatever happened. Ben began job hunting more seriously to get out of his crazy schedule and we just prayed that something would open up. Eventually, in January, something did open up. At his current job, in a position he worked previously years ago. He made the switch and while his schedule is still a little unpredictable, we have him home! And we wouldn’t trade that for a minute. For those that know us on a more personal level, you know the struggle we went through to get here and what it means to have him around more now. Okay, that was a bit of a tangent, but all this to say, God’s timing is perfect. This baby will be joining our family at a time when Ben will be much more available and present in our home life.

When we found out this baby was a girl, well….I’m not sure I can put into words how we felt. Blessed. So so blessed. No matter what the gender, this baby was already so loved and so wanted. A girl just brings us something new and different and we are excited to see how she fits into our family. We decided on a name that mean’s God’s promise because that is truly what she means to us. God promises that He will make all things work together for our good….even when we don’t see it…..even when we have to go through a lot of bad to get to it. He is working things together for our good. This baby is such a sweet symbol of positive change for our family. An answer to years of prayers…not just to expand our family, but to be able to be a family. To be together and not just working all the time.

A lot of people ask if we are done since this is a girl. While I feel this is a pretty private question, I have been fairly public with my journey so why not answer this too. The answer is we don’t know. We want to fully enjoy our time with this baby and our time as a family of five (whether it stays that way forever or not). What I can tell you is this - I have never felt such a deep appreciation for a pregnancy than this one. I realize looking back how naive I was when I was carrying Jackson and not fully appreciating the miracle that it was. I definitely had more of an appreciation with my pregnancy with Sawyer, but this one has felt even more special. Maybe because it could very well be my last. Maybe because we waited so long for this sweet girl. Who knows.

I am very pregnant/hormonal/sentimental writing this so thank you for bearing with me! Maternity photos have always been on my mind, but when it came down to it, I just never felt like doing them. On this morning, the boys brought it up (Jackson did at least) and I warmed up to the idea. I decided to put my discomfort aside and just get it done! The boys helped choose my dresses and accessories and pushed the button on the camera for me. I am so glad I did it (and hopefully will still do some with the Mr). I am so grateful for the way God has blessed me and our family. Now for the fun part….enjoy some favorites from my session with the boys!

March Maternity Madness

It’s my favorite sale of the year! It's time for March Maternity Madness and we are offering something totally new this year!

Book your newborn session during the sale and receive a complimentary maternity mini session including three digital images!

Please keep in mind I will be out on maternity leave from mid June through August. If your due date falls in that range and you would still like a maternity mini session, you can book one during the sale for just $150!

Book your newborn session here! 

Book only the maternity mini here!

Contact me with any questions!

We have some news | Lancaster Maternity and Newborn Photographer | Angie Englerth

We have some exciting news to share!

I had so many big plans for announcing this little one, but the reality is, this pregnancy has been tough. I spent the first few months very sick and extremely tired and taking care of my two boys during this process has proven to be challenging. Please don't read this as me being ungrateful. That is so far from the truth. After our losses and trouble to conceive, this baby is our sweet miracle baby and I can't wait to share more with you.

Let's start back in 2017 when doctors found a tumor in my sinus that had grown to the size of a golf ball and was up against the wall of my brain. Can you say terrifying? Ben and I had to lean on our faith in God and trust that He would bring us through. We had a wonderful church family, our family and friends that came around us and supported us through the whole process. Many doctor appointments, scans and a surgery later and my wonderful doctor was able to remove the entire tumor and....wait for it...they found NOTHING but infection in it. My doctors and everyone around us were stumped. They had never seen anything like it, but we knew God worked a miracle and to say we are grateful would be an understatement.

Why am I telling you this? Because it was when we found out the great news that I was in the clear that we decided to try for a third child. We always knew we wanted lots of kids and with Sawyer in the toddler stage, we felt we were ready to add to the family. We got pregnant immediately which was a shock to both of us after our struggles to conceive before.  We were ecstatic to say the least. We were coming out of a terrifying and challenging period and about to start a joyous journey to meet this baby. Unfortunately, about a week after we found out, we lost the baby. Anyone who has experienced a loss is probably reading this and reliving their loss and for that, I am sorry. It is one of the hardest things that we as women experience. The feelings of failure and inadequacy are relentless and as much as you try to fight them with the head knowledge that it is not your fault, it overtakes you and you fall into a bout of sadness and depression. With this loss, I was so blessed with a supportive husband who took care of me physically and emotionally and friends who came alongside of me, praying for me and encouraging me as I grieved. 

I will fast forward a bit so I don't keep you here reading all day. I went to see my doctor about nine months later as we were having trouble conceiving again and after some tests, we couldn't find anything obvious causing the issue. We decided to keep trying for a little and revisit if we still couldn't conceive. It was August of 2018 when we had a trip planned to Great Wolf Lodge for my birthday. That is when I experienced a chemical pregnancy and Ben and I both decided we were going to take a break from trying. It was becoming too stressful and causing so much anxiety that we just needed to take a step back.

About a month later, I decided to take a test out of curiosity and about fell to the floor when I saw it was positive. I pulled out my digital test and it turned immediately. Ben had just laid down to sleep after working a night shift, but I ran upstairs to tell him before he dozed off. We both sat there stunned. Excited. Nervous. So many emotions. 

The next few months were interesting. At our first ultrasound in November, the tech thought she saw a flicker, but couldn't confirm anything and I needed to return in a week. That was one of the hardest weeks of waiting I have ever been too. The next ultrasound we almost missed because of traffic, but I am so thankful for the staff at May Grant for being flexible and allowing us in very late on a Friday night. We saw the strong flicker of a heart beat and to say Ben and I were emotional would be an understatement. I was very sick in the beginning, but I was thankful for the sickness because after a loss, there is so much anxiety around whether or not the baby is okay. I can honestly say this pregnancy hasn't felt "real" until now, 15 weeks, when I am starting to feel light flutters that reassure me there is a healthy baby growing in there. 

If you read all that, thank you. Thank you for following my (abbreviated) journey. When a pregnancy gets announced, there are inevitably a bunch of questions that come to follow. I have gone ahead and answered as many as could. Enjoy!

When are you due?
June 28

Any Cravings?
I had a few random cravings though out the first few months including strawberry Mentos, Auntie Anne's pretzels, Turkey Wrap with mayo (I HATE mayo!!), but was recently diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes again so I will likely have to fight the urge for my cravings the rest of this pregnancy unless I happen to crave a salad or eggs ;-)

Are you hoping for a girl?
No. When I say no, I mean because all I want is a healthy baby. My boys are the best thing to happen to me on this earth so if God gives me another boy, I would be grateful. I will be equally in love with a boy or a girl. 

Is this your last?
This is a hard one for me. I feel like it's a very personal question, but because I've already been asked a bunch, I will address it. We don't know. This very well could be our last baby, but we are not making that decision right now. 

What are the age gaps of your kids?
Jackson will be 6 when baby is born and Sawyer is 3. Jackson and Sawyer are about two and a half years apart and Sawyer and this baby will be about three and a half years apart. If you would've asked me ten years ago, I would've told you I wanted lots of kids super close together, but God's timing is perfect and my boys right now are best friends and fairly self-sufficient so I am excited to see Jackson be a big brother again and Sawyer for the first time. 

Do you have names picked out?
We only just started discussing names, but we typically don't share the name until after baby is born.

What does this mean for Angie Englerth Photography?
Not a whole lot. I will be taking maternity leave from the middle of June to August, but will be back for the busy fall season. I may not be taking on quite as many sessions so if you want a fall session, I suggest booking as soon as booking opens.

Thank you to all of my sweet clients and followers for your support on my journey. Your encouragement and patience with me through the hard times has meant more to me than you could ever know. I look forward to sharing more of my pregnancy with you and eventually our newest little addition. 

Highlights of 2018 | Lancaster Maternity & Newborn Photographer | Angie Englerth Photography

Highlights of 2018

When I sat down to pick some highlights for 2018, I had a hard time narrowing it down. I ended up choosing 20 images to share with you and they all have their own unique reason I'm sharing them. Please enjoy scrolling through the highlights. I can't wait to see what 2019 brings for AEP!

First up is sweet Adelaide. I am sharing an image from her session because of the sweet details. One of my favorite parts of photographing newborns is capturing their tiny details.

Next up is Michelle's baby plan. This is a vision I got back in 2016 and it took this sweet mama and her baby girl and over a year of sessions to make it happen. I couldn't be happier with the final result! 

Next on the list is Saira's session because....baby smiles....enough said.

Saira's mama also made the list when she wore our stunning Plum Angora gown from Sew Trendy Accessories against this beautiful blue barn wall. 

Michelle made the list ten times over but I had to narrow down my favorite from her session. I always come back to this image because it shows such strength in carrying a new life. 

Logan made the highlight reel because of those adorable spit bubbles nestled between his tiny lips!

Lincoln was born at just the right time with mom and dad being fans of rival teams during the super bowl. I think we all know how this one turned out!  

I love when parents incorporate special things to them and Keller's session was no exception with his Where the Wild Things are theme.

Of course these cuties made the highlight reel! If you haven't read their story yet, check it out here!

Magdelana's session was supposed to be outside but due to weather and other obstacles that came up, we ended up in the studio. Needless to say, it ended up being one of my favorite maternity sessions of the year. I mean, look at their adorable interaction together! 

Alyssa has to make my highlight reel because she is the first mama to return to me for her third pregnancy and I am beyond grateful that she has trusted me to capture all three of her pregnancies and babies. This picture shows so much strength which of course I love!

Okay, this one is a little biased, but my niece Audrey has to make the highlight reel! She was so sweet to work with and her images are some of my favorites to this day! 

Also a little biased, but when your best friend is pregnant and lets you play in the snow, magic happens! So thankful we were able to do this session!

Stephanie's maternity session makes the highlight reel for a few reasons. First because Stephanie and Mark have been coming to me since their son was just one year old and now I was able to capture this RAINBOW MIRACLE pregnancy and their sweet baby girl! This session was so special to me! 

These guys make the list because it is not very often that we get such a successful shot of three siblings! I just had to include it! 

Felicity made the reel for her beautiful hair. Also because I just love this image!

As a follow up to Stephanie's maternity image that made the reel, I am also including her sweet rainbow baby girl. 

I love this shot from Cooper's newborn session. He is the third child for these two and I love seeing the love in their faces for him. It never gets old! 

This was one of the most fun creative shoots I did in 2018. My sweet husband was more than eager to participate and we gave mama dino a dream maternity session!

This one is from our 2018 Mommy & Me {Dream Lighting} Event. I love everything about this image because Keana is such a sweet and spunky little girl. When she picked up the batman mask, we just rolled with it and I absolutely adore this! 

Moms, Be IN The Picture | Lancaster Portrait Photographer | Angie Englerth

Mother's Day Challenge - Be IN The Picture

I am challenging moms everywhere to take a moment to be in the picture today with your kids (big or small)! It is so important to not only capture them at these ages and stages, but to capture you with them. You are their mother. If your kids are little, you are their everything. You are their whole world. Do them the honor of capturing that so when they grow, they can look back and remember how much you loved them. If your kids are grown, your role may have shifted a bit, but you are still and will always be their mom. Jump in the photo with them! Life is too short and we simply don't know how much longer we will be on this Earth. Give your kids the gift of photos with them. It is something they will treasure forever.

Instead of staying on my soap box, I enlisted the help of a few other mamas to show just how important being in the images can be!

Lisa

"[I love] being able to capture the way my child looks at me, smiles at me, laughs with me and it makes me feel like I am the most perfect person in her world. And it makes me so proud to be her mommy. I have everything from maternity to newborn to milestones to family sessions [displayed in my home] and I cherish them all. Having photos that my child can look at and see will reassure her that she is loved and appreciated since before we even met her."
"The Mommy & Me event makes me feel like a mini celebrity... it's always nice to be pampered and feel 100% beautiful but then to share that beauty with my little girl next to me, who feels "so pretty" in her dress, just smiling, laughing and dancing, gives me such gratitude to share in these moments with her that she will be able to see as she grows up. A single picture can tell an entire story and reflect so much love, I only hope she sees, in these photos, all the love I have for her now, until forever."

Yuliya
"I was in a mommy & me session with my five precious children recently. What a great experience it was. As a homeschooling busy mom I rarely can get all of my kids together for pictures. But when I do I am usually not in them because I am the one taking them. So having this opportunity to dress up, have some tickle and laughter time with my fast growing children while have our pictures taken was priceless to me. Angie captured lots of sweet moments that will be cherished for a long time by me and my kids as they grow up."

Tiffany
"Being able to actually see the happiness and love in my sons face when he looks at me is a precious memory! A memory I will get to share with him for many many years to come thanks to the Mommy and Me event! [These pictures] mean a lot! I don’t get to do many mother son things, but I’m so glad we were able to do this together! I will treasure these photos forever!"

What if my baby is awake the whole time? | Lancaster Newborn Photographer | Angie Englerth

What if my baby is awake the whole time?

As a newborn photographer, this question gets asked of me often. What if my baby is awake the whole time? What if my baby doesn't calm down? What if he/she doesn't cooperate? I know this can be a daunting task. You're given a two hour time frame to capture the precious newborn stage, but newborns are the least predictable. I totally get it! Let me preface all this with saying that I absolutely understand a needy newborn. My second child Sawyer, well he has been "needy" from the start! He had reflux and colic for the first year of life. Now as a toddler, he is our wild child! I can totally relate and have plenty of experience interacting with high needs newborns.

When at your session, we will try a number of things to settle your baby. From extra feedings, to burping to gas kicks and stretches...trust me when I say I have a whole bunch of tricks up my sleeve! We may not always get your baby to sleep and that is OKAY! We can still get lots of great awake images and I can catch blinks in between our staring contests. 

If we have tried everything we can and your baby still will not calm down, we will call it. We will reschedule for a different time and try again. That said, I have only had that happen three times in almost 4 years now so it's unlikely! 

Rest easy, your session will go as smoothly as I can make it for you! Come, relax and enjoy this sweet milestone in your life! 

New Year, Same Mission | Print Your Photos | Angie Englerth

New Year, Same Mission

My mission for 2017 was to encourage more of my clients to print their images verses letting them sit on a drive. I am so thankful to have clients that share the same sentiment of printed images and something tangible to pass down to future generations. I thought it would be fun to share some words about the products that AEP offers straight out of the mouths of those who have purchased some this year. Here are just a few testimonials on AEP Products. To see more about the products we offer, visit the product guide here. 

"We adore the {16x20} size as it is perfect for our home! The quality is worth every penny! It has a beautiful finish and built to last years of display on our wall! We have only purchased smaller size canvases in the past but we are so happy we went with a bigger size this time! Having our photos printed and displayed makes us so happy to not only preserve the memories but to also look at them daily and remember the love we have for our family.  We currently have a barn wood collection on order and can not wait to receive it because we love how our canvas turned out so much!"

- Kelly, 16x20 Canvas

"This is a 16 x 20 canvas that I have in our living room! This was part of my very first canvas order (I ordered a smaller size as a gift for my parents) so I wasn't sure what to expect but I absolutely love the product I received! I love how the canvas looks on the wall, I have mostly photos in frames so it's nice to have something different on the wall too. I was very impressed with the quality and have since ordered other canvases as well!  I love walking into my living room and seeing this canvas, it's beautiful to look at and the image of my two children makes me smile! I'm excited to add to my canvas collection after my daughter's next session!"

-Tasha, 16x20 Canvas

"We love canvases and choose the 16 x 20 size for most of our photos because it makes a statement and really is a work of art.  We really wanted to capture the first year of our precious little gift. I love looking at the photos every day it reminds me of how amazing and how precious every moment has been with him. He as well has grown to love looking at himself. He really is the center of our world and has brought us together from two families to one. The quality of the canvases is great! The photo was very crisp and clear and has just the right Matt finish. We couldn't be happier with everyone of our photos and we are hoping to get more done in the future!"

- Brett, Multiple Canvases

"We purchased a collection of barn wood frames - three 11x14s and a 16x20. While we love canvas prints, we decided on frames because they are more practical for us. It will allow us to update our photos year after year without a huge cost each year. The rustic look of the barn wood frames fit perfectly in our home as I love country decor. The frames are very well made and will be enjoyed for many, many years. I catch myself looking at them so often throughout the day. They are just gorgeous and I am so glad we invested them. I love showing them off to our family and friends."

- Jennifer, Multiple Barnwood Frames

"We chose a canvas medium for our family photo for many reasons. I am not the best at hanging photos- the 3 nails in the dry-wall before I get it right kinda girl. Large canvases can be hung with command strips and are husband approved. The canvas takes up an entire wall- no other decal needed. With the canvas we can also see the photo at any time of day no matter where the sun might be peeking into our room with no glass to show a glare. I was initially nervous that we might lose details or textures in the photo but the high quality we received was amazing! I love that this piece of artwork is our family. A moment in time that none of us want to forget."

-Joanna, 20x30 Canvas (and 8x12 Barnwood Frame)

"Every time we have a photography session with Angie Englerth Photography we know the quality of the photos will be top notch so we decided early on to go with something more than the basic flat photo in a regular frame. We've purchased at least 10 canvas photos from AEP in the last several years and don't have a single regret. The canvases themselves are of excellent quality and finish and accentuate the quality of the photography excellently. We've seen other brands that almost "over do it" and make the photos appear somewhat "grainy" or rough. These canvases are a perfect balance of canvas feel and shine and have a very high resolution. We have a high ceiling in our stairway and have them mounted on the walls. Nearly everyday I catch myself stopping to admire the beautiful ladies of my life and the photographs that will undoubtedly last a lifetime."

- Jason, Multiple Canvases

A Very Special Rainbow Maternity Project by Angie Englerth | Lancaster PA Photographer

A Rainbow Maternity Project

A Labor of Love

I can hardly believe this project is ready to be shared. This has been a labor of love for the past four months now. I cannot thank the mamas who participated enough for being vulnerable and sharing their stories. What a blessing this project has been on my heart and I pray it is a blessing to all of you reading this as well.

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirth, birth defects, SIDS and other causes."

Finding Healing

This cause is so heavy on my heart because I personally have suffered two miscarriages through my journey of motherhood. I know too well the deep pain that comes along with that and the anxiety that accompanies a following pregnancy. It is a gut wrenching, nerve wrecking kind of anxiety. The kind that prevents you from truly being able to enjoy your pregnancy. It is unexplainable to someone who has not experienced it. The uncertainty of whether or not this pregnancy will last. The constant worry that runs through your mind of what that little twinge was or why you haven't felt a kick yet today. It is debilitating at times.

So where do we go from here? How does one who has suffered a pregnancy loss or infant death find healing? I feel it is with each other. Unfortunately, though it's so far from deserved, there is such shame that accompanies pregnancy and infant loss. "What did I do wrong?"  We, as women, all women should share our experiences together and encourage one another through the process. Sometimes all it takes is someone just to be there. You don't need to say anything. You don't need to do anything. Just be present. Wrap your arms around your friend, daughter, sister, whoever is going through this pain and let them know you are there. There simply are no words that will make it "okay", but I do feel there is such healing in sharing.

A Rainbow Baby

A "rainbow baby" is a baby that is born following a pregnancy or infant loss. In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison. The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colorful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.  

A Very Special Project

This project has been in the works for many months now. Seven beautiful and brave women participated to show off their beautiful rainbow baby bumps. Each of these women have experienced their own struggles with loss and every single one of them is expecting a precious little rainbow baby. We even had one of the babies arrive already (I will definitely be sneaking in an image of here later on so keep reading)! This group of women, who didn't know each other before the project, have a special bond because of what they've all experienced. Some of them have shared their stories below. I encourage you to take the time to read through them!

The Stories

Jessica

Our journey to parenthood started in March of 2015. We had been struggling to conceive for a little over 6 years at that point. We had an appointed with my OB and she referred us to Lancaster Fertility. That day was extremely hard and emotional. What woman ever wants to hear that something is wrong and they can't have a child. After extensive testing we found out that we both had an issue and that we definitely came to the right place. Once all of our testing was complete we were finally ready to start having a baby! I started on clomid and we started our first round of IUI. IUI is the medical term for artificial insemination. We were told that the more you do IUI the higher your chances are. So after our first failed IUI we decided to have another go at it. Much to our surprise it was successful!!! My heart was just bursting with excitement and tears that we were finally having a baby! Almost 2 weeks after our positive blood test I started to fall very ill. I was having severe cramping and was barely able to walk. Since it was August we went to the beach for a long weekend. Well much to my surprise I started to miscarry in the early hours of the morning. My husband rushed me to the ER and unfortunately we weren't close to home and with being a Fertility patient the doctor and nurses at the hospital didn't quite know what to do. We fast forward 4 days later and we have a check up with our Fertility doctor after our horrible news. Here I was not having a normal miscarriage, I actually had an ectopic pregnancy. Because of how much pain I was in I was told that I would need to have emergency surgery to have the embryo removed. So off I went and just like that my baby was taken away from me. That very day was the worst day of my life. After a couple months of healing and dealing with the struggle of losing our child we decided to continue treatments. We were told that we could continue with IUI but instead of clomid I would have to be on injectable medication because they had to remove one of my tubes. We proceeded to do IUI 3 morning times with no success. At that point our only option was to try IVF. We had our IVF consult on January 2017 and started the process in February. What a long and extensive process that was!! Early March we had our egg retrieval and 3 days later we had our transfer. We had 2 successful embryos and the decision was made to transfer them both. As an IVF patient you still have to wait the dreadful 2 week wait. Fast forward to March 20th. First day of spring. The day we were going to find out if we were having a baby!! I went in for bloodwork in the morning and wouldn't know the results until the afternoon. I remember getting that phone call like it was yesterday. Yay we are pregnant!!! And then came the dreadful "but". We got a positive test but my levels were very low. There was concerns that the embryo or embryos wouldn't make it. The decision was made to increase my meds and have bloodwork done every other day. The next 48 hours were the longest hours of my life. Thankfully the next test showed that my levels doubled which was they needed to see. I continued to go back in every other day to make sure my levels were rising. After a couple weeks we finally graduated from our Fertility doctor!! After almost exactly 2 years we were graduating and on our journey to having a baby. Today we are 7 weeks away and he will be arriving November 20, 2017.

Melanie

I first got pregnant in December 2014, but miscarried after 9 weeks.  It was a devastating loss, but luckily I got pregnant again in April 2015 and had our daughter Celia Lucy (CeCe) in January 2016!  I then got pregnant again in February 2017, and our second girl, Sienna Aurora is due this month, October 2017.  We are over-the-moon happy to welcome her into our family very soon.  My husband and I are very thankful to have CeCe with us and Sienna on the way.

Emily

My husband and I first got pregnant in the fall of 2014. We were overjoyed and excited - considering that it only took a few months of trying! We made it all the way to our first ultrasound appointment when I was 6 weeks along. During the ultrasound I knew something was wrong when the technician left suddenly. She came back and confirmed I had a blighted-ovum. A what?! Basically that means that a sperm and egg met up but no baby formed. Everything else formed and looked perfect but no baby. They told me to wait a week to come back and confirm. I then endured the longest week of my life. I never prayed so hard or cried so much. God, please let there be a baby in there next week. Next week came and no baby. I was told I would have to wait for my body to miscarry. So for the next three weeks I waited. The miscarriage was traumatic and I had to go to the ER due to massive blood loss. After that happened I got really sick and had a blood infection which lead to infected kidney stones and an infected bladder. I was hospitalized for five days. Because I had to have procedures to remove the kidney stones I was not allowed to get pregnant. Torture. We could not even TRY. When I was finally cleared to try again it took an entire year to get pregnant again. I do not know why I did not seek additional medical help at the time but I remember being so certain we could do this ourselves. In April 2016 I was pregnant again. This time we kept it to ourselves and told no one. Everything was fine until week 5. I started bleeding. I told my husband "I know what is happening, I am having a miscarriage." He did not believe me but when the bleeding got so bad we went to a local triage. After being poked and prodded nurses confirmed I had miscarried. We cried. Hard. We did not understand why God took this baby too. What were we doing wrong? Was it my fault? It had to be. So, we kept on trying for about 6 months with no luck. I finally decided to take the next step and go to seek a fertility specialist. Again, we were poked and prodded. I was monitored so closely and some weeks I was in multiple days. We found out that our two pregnancies were actually miracles because they technically should not have happened considering the issues we had facing us. I found out that I could carry a pregnancy but we definitely needed help. We sought treatment for almost 6 months when I got the phone call I was pregnant. I dropped to my knees and sobbed because I knew that with all the interventions we were getting this pregnancy was going to last. I cried again but this time the happiest tears. We were going to finally start our family. So far my pregnancy has been completely healthy and even on the bad days I love it more than words. We are so blessed to be pregnant and I hope that my pregnancy goes quickly so I can meet my little rainbow.

Megan

When I found out I was pregnant with our little man due this October, it was an answered prayer. Last fall we lost our baby only weeks after knowing he or she existed. It was the longest and most painful few weeks I've ever been through. Excitement from seeing a heartbeat led to weeks of bleeding followed with questions of whether or not my baby was still in my womb. My heart broke when I went in for a check up after hoping and praying my little one was still there only to find my babe finished passing while I was in office. We chose to participate in a communal burial- an opportunity I was very thankful for. We were blessed to get pregnant again within a few months with our rainbow baby on the way. It was a time of growth and testing. My faith was stretched as I had to choose faith daily over the fear of loss again and the fear of not being able to conceive. I look forward to seeing Baby T, our little one in heaven, and anticipate with a happy heart the arrival of baby Cole this October.

Bethany

Angela

We weren't planning another pregnancy when we got pregnant with the child we miscarried, and we weren't planning our rainbow baby either. We actually got pregnant right after our miscarriage, and after a few weeks my hormone levels were still present, so I called my OBGYN. The doctor thought I hadn't miscarried completely (I opted for a natural miscarriage) and told me I should probably plan for a D&E. However, we tested my hormone levels 48 hours later and found that they had doubled (which indicates a new pregnancy!), so instead we scheduled an ultrasound and there was a sweet little heartbeat and a bean measuring around 5.5 weeks! Not going to lie, we weren't mentally prepared to welcome a new child into our family at the time and there was a lot of fear and anxiety surrounding the beginning of our rainbow pregnancy (what if we lose this one too? I'm still grieving my other baby, how can I celebrate this new one and continue my grieving process simultaneously? I'm still breastfeeding, how will this affect my older child?), but Holy Spirit gave us two verses during this time - the first was actually given to us by a friend when we found out about our miscarriage: Isaiah 66:9 - "'I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born', says the Lord". This verse really touched our hearts, even though we didn't think our "something new" would come so quickly! We actually have a swaddle for our sweet little lady with this verse written on it. The second was Isaiah 43:19 - "For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness and rivers in the dry wasteland." This verse is especially close to us now that we can look back at the dark time of discovering our child didn't have a heartbeat and the consecutive pregnancy that quickly followed. Because a pregnancy is measured from the first day of a woman's last period (and I didn't have a period in between pregnancies) the "first day" of this new pregnancy was actually the last day of my miscarried pregnancy and is such a testament that even in the middle of our hardest, darkest times God is already creating something new and beautiful out of our pain and brokenness. The names we chose for our tiny babe (though they will remain a secret until she arrives!) actually mean beauty through pain and darkness. We absolutely can't wait to welcome our sweet rainbow baby and all the beauty she will bring to our family!

Danielle
We knew that conceiving would probably be difficult for my husband and I because I have many autoimmune issues. When we found out with our first baby, we were so ecstatic! The two pink lines were there, and from that moment, we were in love. Shortly after we found out we were pregnant, we were told that it probably wouldn't be a successful pregnancy. We lost our first baby at Thanksgiving. Our holidays were so hard. We had hope that 2017 would be our year. At the end of January, we found out that we were pregnancy again. This time, we were cautious. Especially since our first ultrasound showed an empty sac. The doctors prepared us for another loss. One week later, we saw a strong, beating heart on the ultrasound. My husband and I, along with our ultrasound tech, let out a sigh of relief. It was finally real. We have been so in love with our little girl! We have decorated her nursery using elephants and gotten tons of clothes with them which helps us to remember our baby in Heaven.

What does this project mean to you?

Jessica - "To me this series shows the babies we never got to hold. It shows the strength that myself and these women have to overcome one of the hardest things in life. Our rainbow babies will never replace what we have lost but will bring us joy of what we have fought so hard for. The struggle with infertility and miscarriage are way to common and just not talked about enough. I'm living proof that if you really want something bad enough God will provide in one way or another."

Megan - "I am thankful to be apart of this project because I believe it celebrates the lives of the babies that are not with us while celebrating the fulfillment of a promise found in the life of a rainbow baby. We will always cherish our little one that we will never get to hold and share our love with earth side, while we embrace the opportunity to love more fiercely then ever as we fully recognizing the true miracle of life. I am thankful this project sheds the shame that can be associated with miscarriages and celebrates the beauty of life after loss."

Emily - "It's a celebration. I am getting emotional just knowing that all the other women are rainbow mommy's too. It shows empowerment. It shows that there is healing and hope even in a storm. It shows that we are strong women who can overcome the most devastating loss. I hope it touches other women and we can continue to create conversations about loss and miscarriages because it does happen and women should not feel alone. I am honored to be a part of this and I pray it touches others."
 

Melanie - "It feels like a really nice way to honor the babies that we conceived but couldn't bring into this world, as well as to celebrate how lucky we are to be the parents of rainbow babies!"
Danielle - "I never wanted maternity pictures. I have always thought that I had the body type that would make it hard to tell that I was pregnant, so the thought of displaying those insecurities seemed awful. Multiple coworkers urged me to participate in this project. When I read more about Angie's vision and goal, I felt like I could find healing with this project. I never felt as beautiful as I did the day I had my pictures taken. And I finally could think about our baby and smile. My husband was so grateful that Angie's project could make me feel this way."

Our first Rainbow Baby born out of the project

"The day that Isla arrived was the most wonderful day of our lives. We had to be induced at 36 weeks, which can make baby's adjustment to the outside world more challenging. Our little miracle baby has been happy and healthy since her very first breath, thriving on the outside. We couldn't be happier for each snuggle, each dirty diaper, every tear, every gassy smile. To us she is perfect." -Danielle

This project was also featured on the local news! Check out that clip here.